An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small
town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

Ventriloquist: "Hey, good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"

New Zealander: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

The New Zealander is shocked!

Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?"

Dog: "Yep."

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and
takes me to the lake once a week to play."

The New Zealander can't believe his ears!

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

New Zealander: "The horse doesn't talk."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "No worries."

The New Zealander's mouth is agape.

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?"

Horse: "Yep."

Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the
elements."

The New Zealander is TOTALLY amazed!

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar."

Pete S.

[url down]

On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 07:34:20 GMT,
spamPetespamuk (Pete S.)
wrote:
"
>
>New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar."
>
>Pete S.
>
>[..]

Actually did LOL.

Thanks.

"Pete S." <spamPetespam.> wrote in
message news:41a6dc25.169716109

I think a cross post to rec.scuba.NZ is in order, just so that they have
a welcoming committe waiting for you Pete. So don't forget the vet lube.

Steve

On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 09:05:35 +0000 (UTC), "Steve Jones"
<steve.jones> wrote:

>"Pete S." <spamPetespam.> wrote in
>message news:41a6dc25.169716109
>
>I think a cross post to rec.scuba.NZ is in order, just so that they have
>a welcoming committe waiting for you Pete. So don't forget the vet lube.
>

Baaah...... Flossie!

You're lucky, I was going to reword it to be a welsh joke...... But
then anything in welsh is a joke so I didn't bother.....

Ducks and runs for cover.


Pete S.

[url down]

On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 09:05:35 +0000 (UTC), "Steve Jones"
<steve.jones> wrote:

>"Pete S." <spamPetespam.> wrote in
>message news:41a6dc25.169716109
>
>I think a cross post to rec.scuba.NZ is in order, just so that they have
>a welcoming committe waiting for you Pete. So don't forget the vet lube.
>
I also posted it to an NZ mate of mine from Aukland. It took 20
minutes for the reaction........ It's going to be a sore christmas.


Pete S.

[url down]

Hilarious ! Can't stop laughing. MORE !!

"Pete S." <spamPetespam> wrote
in message news:6109
[..]

"Pete S." <spamPetespam.> wrote in
message news:41a71650.184607546
>
> Baaah...... Flossie!
>
> You're lucky, I was going to reword it to be a welsh joke...... But
> then anything in welsh is a joke so I didn't bother.....

Our sheep are much more attractive though, although they do tend to
cough a bit, because of the coal dust.

Steve

On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 12:37:38 +0000 (UTC), "Steve Jones"
<steve.jones> wrote:

>Our sheep are much more attractive though,
>
>Steve

Not sure I can agree, whilst I concede the Border Leicester and
Drysdale may be no oil paintings, you would have to agree that the New
Zealand Romney are the absolute epitome of ovine pulchritude.

[url down]

David

> Hilarious ! Can't stop laughing. MORE !!

Oh, if you insist (and its even [barely] on topic)...


DOUGLAS THE CRAB
----------------

Douglas the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and
passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until
one day Kate scuttled over to Douglas in
tears.

"We can't see each other any more..." she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Douglas.

"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a
mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the owest class of
crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only
walk sideways."

Douglas was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness to
drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic olivion.

That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far
and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join
in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Douglas the crab strode in. The Lobsters
all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose
from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Douglas the crab made his way
across the floor.......and all could see that he was walking, not
sideways............but FORWARDS.........Yes FORWARDS, one claw after
another!! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he
looked the King lobster in the eye.






There was a deadly hush..................................









For quite a while...........................









Finally, the crab spoke.......
















"Fuck, I'm pissed."

ROTFLMAO !!! I've heard all sorts of fishing jokes but not that one.

It will dutifully be circulated down the pub at 6 o'clock tonight.

"CAS" <calumscottREMOVETHISBIT> wrote in message
news:liu1
[..]

Steve, you find sheep attractive ?

"Steve Jones" <steve.jones> wrote in message
news:5781
[..]

"Chrystianne" <diver> wrote in message
news:2cIpd.94$mD4.74

> Steve, you find sheep attractive ?

Compared to what?? ;-)

Steve

>Steve, you find sheep attractive ?

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!